It's a shame that being 'single' has now become a derogatory term. Who ever taught us that? Do we point fingers towards the dreaded society in which we live, that same society that earnestly infiltrates our tender minds with commercial driven ideologies? I think not. The real blame holder is- quite simply put, our own fickle mentality. So, how can one change that mentality? Well below I'll briefly highlight some of the key mindset changes that would help you to acknowledge that being single is a great exodus of our lives. We must learn to cherish and optimise the sweetness and strength of that period.
One of the sessions in the DCLM UK National Conference in Nottingham University, revolved around identifying the great strengths and beauty in one's singledom. Singledom was defined as being the period when a person has left home perhaps for university and has started living on their own. This period runs up until you've eventually become married which for many men and women, occurs in their late twenties through to their early thirties.
My group were lucky enough to be led by a lovely young lady who raised some interesting points about those years of 'singledom'.
1. SINGLE BUT NOT ALONE
The main reason why it is felt that singleness is deemed as bad is because it is often confused with loneliness. People choose to blame the couples that they come across on a day to day basis or holidays such as Valentines Day for reminding them that they are lonely. Really sister?? Personally I feel that we forget about the important relationships in our life and focus on that one relationship (romantic one) that obviously isn't there. In doing this we're bound to feel like we're all alone as we forget about all the other love we receive in our lives. I'm talking about family and friends. We need to focus on building stronger bonds with our family members and friends is a great way to evade feeling bad about that one relationship that isn't there. Another source of relation that we all have is ourselves! I will go into greater detail on that point down below. Lastly, we are to loose ourselves in God. Honestly, when we strengthen these three pillars of relationships in our lives, we will begin to feel less empty, less lonely and start to realise that we have greater love and company than we ever imagined.
2. EDIFY YOURSELF
As I mentioned earlier, the greatest thing one could ever do is to build up and mould themselves into the person that they want to be. The reason why singledom proves to be the best time to do this is because you are in the prime of your youth, you are majorly responsible for yourself- (not your parents) and so you have all the luxury of time to really work on becoming the kind of person that you envisage for yourself. Personally, I've been developing my charismatic skills, I was once quite shy, in particularly in addressing an audience of people. Today I have worked on my presentation and communication skills so I can now speak to people In a way in which I hadn't been able to before. During parents evenings at school, my teachers would always give a good report, saying that I was a pleasure to teach but that it would be better if I could interact more and speak up in class. I wish they could see me now. In general, this is the time to work on yourself as I said, read inspirational books, improve upon or learn new skills, climb higher in your education/career, develop and monetise your talents. Honestly there is so much to be done on oneself, I feel that the biggest brand we are to invest in is ourselves. Once you change your mindset and place a value upon yourself, you will begin to enjoy and treasure your singleness. Eventually when it comes to sharing life with your significant other, the character that you have striven towards would shine through, making you much more desirable and treasured.
Ultimately, these are the two major mindset changes that need to be made in order to both value and enjoy your single years. Say goodbye to the shame and embarrassment and equip yourself with practical tasks that would help to act upon your new mindset.
I'd love to know any other tips and tricks for optimising the beauty in our single period. I hope that you now understand the strength and sweetness that lies within this exodus and I can't wait to hear more testimonies on how changing your outlook on being single, changed your life!
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